I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
