I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
