Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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