new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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