You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
