Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
