i already hear my dad disowning me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
