he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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