I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
