As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
