Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
