My first STD was from a foam party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
