my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
