You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
