hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
