some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
