That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
