found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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