just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
