areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
