i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
