Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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