Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
