I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just had sex on a roof
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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