I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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