So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
