she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
