this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
