He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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