Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
