well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
