Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
