It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
