I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just cropdusted the office
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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