his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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