Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
