I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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