Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
