he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need a burrito and a hug.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
