Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
