Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
