Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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