I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
