Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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