its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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