its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
