i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
