Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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