Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
