She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
