Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
