Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found your dick twin last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize