how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was CRYING into my vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
