And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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