Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
