people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my shit smells like andre
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
