gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am available for nakedness
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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