I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
