She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize