can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
