i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm getting married
To pizza
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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