There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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