I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
