she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
