So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
