they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize