I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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