Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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