I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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