I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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