my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
