She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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