I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
