I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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