I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
