Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
