we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
