Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
