i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
