I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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