My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
