You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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