if you like me you must not know who I am
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
