we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Enjoy the penises
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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