is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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