I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pooping to opera.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
