I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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