If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to sanitize my soul.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
