Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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