Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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