His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
