david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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