I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
