his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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