this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
