Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We are all done wearing pants today
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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