reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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