No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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