My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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