Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
