I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
