First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
