I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
